


lapis takes jasper to church

by GODDAMITWILL



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 09:19:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4473809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GODDAMITWILL/pseuds/GODDAMITWILL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which lapis gets tired of jasper's bad behavior and takes her to church to cleanse her soul.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lapis takes jasper to church

lapis n jas were suppose to chillin out in the sea. wait no thats right they're mallachite now. or was. mally was being crappy and nothing was workin. and with jassper bein a big meanie, lapis was liek "no fck this"  
and they unfused. jaspper has to go up to the suface bc didnt take scuba diving classses liek she should of. lapis was even more peeved she had to come up and she was pretty mad to begin with. 

"ok thats it jas piper, im sick of ur nastiness and bad attitude and awful behavior."

"ooooooo and what r u gonna even do about it, water nymph???" 

lapis fum blue fumes. she hated bein called that. but no matter she had a plan. shes good with comin up quick plans. 

"im takin ur ss to church and were gonna find jesus and cleanse ur soul fcker"

so they made some nice clothes out of thin airt that looked good enough for church??? idk im assumin that and lapis drugged jap to some church nearby. is there even a church in beach city??? wait what am i sayin, its a cartoon it doesnt need everything dam what am i thinkin?? well anyway by the time they got to a church jasper's feet were dirty as dirt. bc she wouldnt pick up her feet like god asper wtf? dont be such a rude pouter. dont worry they got it cleaned oof.. so yeah they enter ed the church and took seats in the back bc they didnt rlly want ppl to see jaser's angry face. 

church service started everyone picked up the book and... is it the prist or the preacher that hosts? im goin with preacher. ive never been to a church service im so sorry everyone. anyway the preacher started the preacher

"GOD GOD JESUS THANK YOU JESUS OUR LORD AND SAVOIR THANK YOU CHRIST GOD GOD GOD THANK YOU GOD PRAISE OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST thank you-"

this went for awhile. also they were readin the bible which made no sense to jasper. like she kept mumblin things like "wtf does that even mean?? lapis-"

"shut up be respectful" "but i dont f-" "jasper no stop it now"

jasper was still grumpy but she stayed quite for the rest of the service. then everyone left and then out came jesus

"yooooooooooooo whats u- where did everyone go???" jesus was confused. why did they all leave? "oh no im late agasin!!" jesus gets down on his knees and cries "why am i always late??? i just wanted to say hi"  
lapis went over to jesus "hey, ru ok?" "jesus eyes shined like one of those anime eyes from how to draw manga as he glares up at the blue alien. "holy holy ur here???"

"um yeah um we came here bc jasper was bein rude and i wanted to help her with that. sorry we're not rlly part of this church thing." jesus nodded his eyes went back to normal but he was still happy that he got to see someone. "well maybe i can be of help-" jesus got punched in the face by jasper on accident actually

"oops"

"japser wtf man why did u do that??? y r u always so rude???" 

"i actually didnt mean to hit him i just wanted to punched that last arch"

"last...?"

the whole place was in shambles and the curtains were on fire and the benchs were flunged and destroyed and fallin from whatever was left of the ceiling. 

"got bored"

"JAPSER I CAN ACTUALLY FCKIN BELIEVE U FCKED UP THIS CHURCH IN THE 5 SECS IVE BEEN TALKIN WITH JESUS THATS FCKIN IT" lapis got mad and beat up jasper and kicked her into the Great Salt Lake in Utah. Goodbye jasper u will be remembered prob. 

"jesus im sorry she did that to u and im sorry about this place!!"

"nah its cool blue one. all is forgiven. and besides the ppl here were kinda odd and did weird things and its why i was always late. im gonna take a walk now"

"eah same" lapis didnt relly understand what jesus was talkin bout but she had like empathy so she went along with it 

lapis and jesus walked on water and scared off a bunch of ships for the rest of the day. they're pretty good friends now at this point so yeah. thanks jesus.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok but seriously, I'm sorry I've never been to church service. My parents hated it and never took me.


End file.
